It's done. Well, almost done. We've signed papers and somehow came to agree on everything, although that was no easy feat. Now we wait for the judge to make it "official".
I sat through 7 hours of mediation on Thursday. Talk about a process! And a mighty expensive one at that. Although I suppose ending a 10 1/2 year marriage is a process. We didn't see each other. We sat in separate rooms with our lawyers and the mediator went back and forth between us discussing all the details and letting us know what the other wanted. 7 hours later we had agreed. Papers were signed and the whole process was complete.
The last 7-8 months have not been easy. There have been a lot of ugly words and feelings expressed. I've experienced feelings I never thought I would. I've had things said to me that a person should never have to hear. I understand there's a point where people are hurt and angry and they just want to hurt someone more to make themselves feel better. But its unacceptable. Some things should just never be said. I'm glad to have that in my past. I am more than happy to be closing that door.
When I think about the fact that I just ended a 10 year marriage, an over 18 year relationship/friendship, it baffles my mind a little. But, the fact is that neither of us were happy. We met at a young age, fell in love (or so we thought), and rushed to get married. It's kind of funny because last night on the news there was actually a story about marriage in Utah and how people here get married so young and or divorce rate is so high. I was that person. I was young and thought marriage was what I needed to do. Yes, marriage is hard. There are struggles. It is not always an easy process and it takes a lot of work. But, sometimes as hard as you try, it just isn't going to work. It is difficult to think my marriage is over. My friendship with someone who had been a best friend for as long as I can remember is over. I don't know that we'll ever be good friends again. I hope for it, for my children's sake, and for ours, but I don't know. Its a hard pill to swallow at times, I won't lie.
With all of that said, nothing can describe the feeling of being happy with yourself and in your life. The way I feel about myself now, and the way I feel with myself and with my three beautiful children, can not be described. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. I covered up who I was for many years. I was not a happy person. I pretended, and I did it well. But to now be able to be myself is beyond words. I truly feel that people need to be honest with themselves and I was not. I have the privilege of having three wonderful kids in my life and I enjoy each and every day I have with them. And I know their dad enjoys them much more now as well.
I can now breathe and be me!
I sat through 7 hours of mediation on Thursday. Talk about a process! And a mighty expensive one at that. Although I suppose ending a 10 1/2 year marriage is a process. We didn't see each other. We sat in separate rooms with our lawyers and the mediator went back and forth between us discussing all the details and letting us know what the other wanted. 7 hours later we had agreed. Papers were signed and the whole process was complete.
The last 7-8 months have not been easy. There have been a lot of ugly words and feelings expressed. I've experienced feelings I never thought I would. I've had things said to me that a person should never have to hear. I understand there's a point where people are hurt and angry and they just want to hurt someone more to make themselves feel better. But its unacceptable. Some things should just never be said. I'm glad to have that in my past. I am more than happy to be closing that door.
When I think about the fact that I just ended a 10 year marriage, an over 18 year relationship/friendship, it baffles my mind a little. But, the fact is that neither of us were happy. We met at a young age, fell in love (or so we thought), and rushed to get married. It's kind of funny because last night on the news there was actually a story about marriage in Utah and how people here get married so young and or divorce rate is so high. I was that person. I was young and thought marriage was what I needed to do. Yes, marriage is hard. There are struggles. It is not always an easy process and it takes a lot of work. But, sometimes as hard as you try, it just isn't going to work. It is difficult to think my marriage is over. My friendship with someone who had been a best friend for as long as I can remember is over. I don't know that we'll ever be good friends again. I hope for it, for my children's sake, and for ours, but I don't know. Its a hard pill to swallow at times, I won't lie.
With all of that said, nothing can describe the feeling of being happy with yourself and in your life. The way I feel about myself now, and the way I feel with myself and with my three beautiful children, can not be described. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. I covered up who I was for many years. I was not a happy person. I pretended, and I did it well. But to now be able to be myself is beyond words. I truly feel that people need to be honest with themselves and I was not. I have the privilege of having three wonderful kids in my life and I enjoy each and every day I have with them. And I know their dad enjoys them much more now as well.
I can now breathe and be me!
